Self-Discovery

I grew up in an extremely small town. I was involved with a lot of things. I had a lot of leadership responsibilities. I didn't have very many friends. I considered staying at home and watching a movie with my parents acceptable for a Friday night.
I now attend BYU. A small fish in a huge pond. I have a few more friends and I am a completely different person. I'm social . . . ish. I laugh a lot and small-town Shalese is tucked away into a dark, little corner in my mind.
When my two little circles collide, I don't like it much. I'm not fond of my small town life mixing with my college town life. In those two circles, I am two completely different people. It goes along with my OCD tendencies. I like order and when my two different lives mix, it gets confusing and chaos ensues.
It's a hard thing to explain. I just don't like when my past life comes into my present life. I'm dealing with it right now. Of course, I brought it on myself. I encouraged it. I wanted a harmony between the two Shaleses. Now I am thoroughly regretting it. I like how people here don't know everything about me because they grew up with me and therefore, judge me because of my past. I like being able to reinvent myself. I like being able to go home and settle back into my first life. It's like mixing foods on your plate. You don't want your corn to swim in your gravy because it just tastes gross, regardless of the fact that it will all end up in the same place. You don't have taste buds in your stomach anyway.